Laying down the Heart - Laying on the Hands

Oh friends - today was a big day in silent, tearful ways.
My heart hit a brick wall -- it began last night - can't explain how or why - but over the last 24 hour period of time, I KNOW God's angels have been engaged in warfare - protecting this wee little soul that belongs to their Father.

Not warfare to "save" my soul (it's already been saved - thank you Jesus) -- but instead, warfare to "preserve" my soul.
"For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone."Psalm 91:11-12

It began with the feeling of weight - heavy weight on me -- yet nothing visible had changed. Then words spoken - not intended to hurt or harm - but received in that way. It continued with a keen awareness of all that is ahead with the preparations, planning and packing, and then climaxed with an overwhelming missing of my youngest son Pete (in the photo with me in Kenya last year) - who is right here in the house with me - but will not be close by this mother's heart one week from now, or two, or three, or even four.
It overwhelmed me in the silence. Have you ever had moments, hours, days, or weeks like that? When words couldn't fully express the depths your heart had plummeted to. And no one was at fault, no finger could be pointed at the "problem". And yet it feels as if the wind has been knocked out of you, you can't breath right, you can't think straight, and you're not "yourself" on the inside.
I'm so thankful for Paul's honesty -- he lets us know in the scripture over and over again that he was well acquainted with attacks -- and more often than not - his were visible - they were not just attacks on the heart and soul. And what did Paul do? He rejoiced, he praised God, he reminded himself of the race -- and continued to pursue the finish line. He pressed on toward the goal.

So today in the midst of the lung crushing weight of the unseen attack on my heart and soul. My sweet daughter brought me a cd from church saying - Mom this man talked to us today and I knew you would want/need to hear this. (Yes - in the midst of the scrimmage - I woke up this morning with a sore throat, a killer headache, and my back not wanting to move - so I missed church - which is very, very rare indeed). She brought home the cd AND a caramel pie from O'Charleys (my favorite) and I felt loved. My husband came home from work early to begin unfolding the words that had been misunderstood and replacing them with words of truth - and I felt loved. And my sister dropped by our home, having missed seeing me at church, to check on me. She spoke truth, and love, and support, and grace. She placed her hands on Maggie and I and prayed from her heart to the heart of God. He heard - and I felt loved.
The enemy's strategy was well executed - but our Father's response was more beautiful and more powerful. And His response came through the hands of others. Angels and people.
"I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:6-7.

And so today - the journey was tedious and timid. The body felt weak (and I've not even begun the Africa part of the journey - jeeze.), the mind felt uncertain, and the heart felt unable. But God blesses me with His sure reminders that there will be days in the journey that will have lots of tears -- and then days with lots of laughter. Some days may be more weighted in the direction of one or the other. Today the tears filled up their side of the scales - and overflowed. God allowed me much time - with my head in my hands - weeping. Did you know that God will actually sit in the floor with you -- and hold your head while you weep? And did you know He collects your tears and saves them in a bottle. Psalm 56:8 (KJV) Why? He loves us friend.

And then - if that is not enough - He gives me/us this precious promise over the tears we shed --- "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5-6
My it be so in Jesus' name.

Thank you Jesus!
After todays tears - if the harvest is proportionate to the tears ...